


Abandonment

by Lyprid



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Abandonment, F/M, I dont know what to put down, Letter, Love, Plot twist?, Sad, i'm terrible at tags, it's probably not what you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 12:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10639830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyprid/pseuds/Lyprid
Summary: After years of silence, MC decides to write a letter to Luciel to explain everything she did and the reasons behind them.





	

Dearest Luciel,

I’m sure you are confused as to why I have suddenly decided to contact you, especially after erasing anything and everything that could lead back to me so that you could never trace me. I feel like I have to tell you as to why I left. I’m sure you must have tormented yourself with my absence, blaming yourself and pushing others away when they tried to comfort you. I’m almost positive that my letter will bring forth a new pain, but I need closure and I’m sure you do too. I don’t want to lead you on a false hope, however, so keep in mind that I don’t plan on coming back. This is for the best, for all of us.  
After I left, I needed to find a way of living without leaving any sort of sign of where I was. The only logical solution I could come up with at the time was to do the one job you never wanted me to even think about. I remember the first day I moved in with you, you were still trying to sort out a way to safely extract yourself from the agency without risking either of us. It took you a while to notice that I was behind you, silently watching the way your hands seemed to glide across the keyboard in an unsaid peace. I must have scared you when you finally noticed I was standing right behind you, now that I think about it. It was early in the morning, around two if I remember correctly. As cheesy as it sounds, I woke up because I was missing you. I recall that much clearly, the absence of body warmth you would provide on an otherwise lonely night. I slowly got out of bed, heading out into the living room in search for you in a still drowsy state. The rhythmic clacking of the keys lured me towards your office and I noticed a faint glow shining from underneath the door. I’m surprised the floorboards didn’t creak as I opened the door and walked in; any other time they would have given my position away immediately. This time, however, they were as silent as the rest of the house with the exception of your fingers typing away. My breath hitched in my throat as I watched you concentrate on your screen and a single word imprinted itself in my head as I stood there, watching you.  
Beautiful.  
You reminded me of an angel, the outline of your fiery locks illuminated from the light of your computer in a gloriously blazing heat. Angel doesn’t even begin to describe how perfect you were in that moment; you weren’t just my angel, you were my god. God Seven Zero Seven. You must have heard my breathing soon afterwards because you whipped around, your eyes wide in fear as you looked for the intruder. I thought that would be the widest your eyes would ever go, but you astonished me by making them even bigger when you realized it was just me. “How long have you been there?” Your voice sounded scratchy, probably from not using it for a while, and you cleared your throat before continuing. “Why aren’t you asleep right now, MC? You do realize what time it right now, don’t you?” Unable to reply in a form of words, I simply nodded my head before walking up to you and cupping your face, running my thumbs back and forth across your cheeks as we gazed into eachother’s eyes. You sighed, removing my hands before turning around and continuing to type on your computer. My body seized up as I watched you turn your full attention to your screen, ignoring me once again. It felt as though my blood suddenly stopped flowing through my body as I stood frozen in place, staring at the back of your head. I remember thinking that things would continue down that path, you showing me compassion in the moments when you thought I really needed it but immediately afterwards giving me the cold shoulder when I was better. I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding when I noticed you were just turning your computer off. You pushed your chair back before getting up and walking towards me, grabbing my hand and leading me out of your office back towards our bedroom. You gave me a gentle smile as you reassured me that you were going to bed this time as you quickly pulled back the covers of the bed, tucking me into it before walking to the other side and getting in yourself. You held me against your chest, whispering sweet nothings into my ear and trying to get me to go to sleep once more. I fell asleep soon after that, but not before hearing your gentle voice begging me to promise that I would not to go into the darkness that you were desperately trying to get out of.  
I’m sorry that I broke the promise I made to you. There were other options I could have chosen if I had taken the time to think through everything, but the only thing on my mind then was to get away as fast as possible. I have to give you credit though, it’s hard to live an anonymous life. There are too many nights to count where I would wake up in a cold sweat from a terrifying nightmare only for me to reach out to the other side of my bed to find it cold and empty. I’m not able to contact any of my family members, so who knows what they think happened to me. For all I know, they could be happy that I dropped communication with them. I can’t form any real friendships, let alone fake ones. Even if I had the time to, it goes against everything I have worked for the past few years. Then again, you probably know this more than I do. I don’t think I ever truly understood you and the hardships you must have gone through even after leaving your mother until I had to adapt to the same environment; for that I am sorry. I would say I hope you got out of the agency except the fact that I already kind of looked into you in my spare time. It’s so weird seeing you avoid any type of trace on the internet one day and suddenly finding several personal social media accounts with everything about you on them the next. I know it hasn’t really been a day in between, although it feels like it to me. Sometimes I get so caught up in work the agency has to send someone to my house to make sure that I get enough food and water. Seems familiar to someone we both used to know, huh?  
Is everyone in the RFA doing okay? I haven’t had the time to check on everyone else, although I do see the occasional headline of Jumin once in a blue moon. I’m glad he managed to escape the arranged marriage with Sarah, he deserves to find true love. Is he still working Jaehee to the bone, or is he giving her more days off? Is he at least easing off of the cat projects? How about Zen, is he getting better roles in musicals or is he still being humble about his undeniable talent? Does he and Jumin still constantly bicker about anything they can think of or have they learned to get along better? Has Yoosung found someone or something that motivates him to work hard in college yet? Has he found a hobby besides gaming that he thoroughly enjoys doing? How about you; how is everything in your life doing? Are you getting enough food and water or are you still living off of Honey Buddha Chips and Dr. Pepper? Have you made any friends since I left? Have you finally established that family you always wanted with Saeran? How is Saeran; has he opened up to you more or does he still ignore you and keep his distance?  
Even though I know I will never get the answers to these questions, it still makes me feel better to pretend that I am there next to you. Holding you hand. Resting my head on your shoulder. Pushing my face into the crook of your neck so that I can inhale your aroma. I’m only making this worse so I better end it off on a good note, not that there really is a good note in this situation. I want you to know that I didn’t leave because you were ignoring me to spend time with Saeran. I didn’t feel any jealousy when you locked yourself in the bunker with him for weeks at a time, only emerging for a few hours to visit me before repeating the cycle. The only thing I thought of was how tired you looked when you did visit me and how you could have taken that time to get some proper rest. I wouldn’t have minded if you had stayed away for months as long as that meant you were taking care of yourself. That’s not you though, Saeyoung; you always put those you love in front of your own well being. That’s your one flaw; you are too kind. So I did the thing I knew you would never do yourself and I lessened your burden. I lessened your burden of me. Find someone who will make you happy and forget about me. It’s time for you to put yourself first. You are just as important as anyone else, Saeyoung. Don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

-MC


End file.
